This Week Will Be Better.
Last week was the worst for me. The tears began to fall and every broken feeling began to rise. That heaviness I felt in my chest was slowly lifted and I was finally able to catch my breath. I couldn't believe I was going through this again especially after I had already been in a such a peaceful place, well my home is peaceful, my marriage is pretty peaceful and so forth, but other things aren't. I am still trying to figure out if I want to be where I am in life. I have finally finished school and I have started my own business and I am working where the people around me aren't nice. I have been lied on, mistreated and definitely taken for granted. Could that be weighing on me? I'm pretty sure because I have been dealing with this for a minute now, but why it is just now taking a toll on me? Or could it be because I'm doubting my ability to become a journalist since I have so many other things going on I'm not sure, but one thing for certain, I was breaking down.
I am so thankful for Eric because I couldn't imagine where I'd be without his spontaneous sense of humor. He could feel something was bothering me and I couldn't express what I felt because once again I didn't know what I felt. He held me and made me feel safe. His singing made me laugh because he definitely put on a concert for me and just like that I knew I'd be ok. Or so I believed.
It happened again on Saturday. We came from the beach and on the way home, I felt empty again and could feel the tears coming. This time it was random. Am I depressed? No. Am I sad? No. So why do I feel the need to cry all the time? God please take this away from me. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Sure enough Eric grabbed my hand and just held it and instantly I felt safe again. Listen, I can't make this up if I wanted to. I feel better now, but if I didn't have my husband, who would have been there to hold my hand? Or talked to me? Better yet let's be clear, the only people who call me to really check on me are my parents and my grandma. Everyone else calls me to vent about their problems, their happiness, their new ventures and although I am always here, just know I have struggles of my own, ventures of my own, happiness of my own. It's no ones fault and I'm not casting blame, but you just never know what anyone is going through. Maybe this week will be better.