The Only Time We Have
Welcome to the place where we will discuss our pasts, our presents and what we aim for our futures to become. I'm a little nervous because clearly no one knows what their future will appear to be, but the exciting factor is that we can dream about it anyway. As you know we will never judge anyone on how they describe their experiences. This is our safe zone to talk about whatever we feel and if you don't mind, I'd love to go first. You ready?
So, I've never told anyone this and I'm not sure why I decided to share it now. Especially like this, but here it goes. Everyday I wake up I ask God why did he keep me alive. Sometimes I think it's because I haven't reached my end goal just yet or maybe it could be because I haven't mastered the idea of living. No, I don't want to die. I just wonder why me, yet again. As thankful as I am for another day to continue this thing we call life, I feel so miserable. I feel so stuck. An everyday cycle of working to live when in fact I desire so much more for myself. I am struggling to keep it all together. I watch as my husband makes time for the things he enjoys like going to play basketball faithfully every week, after being up for over 15 plus hours. I always tell him to rest and he responds with, "I'll rest when I die." Granted, we should always make time for the things we desire most, but that doesn't really work for me. I spend 12 hours out of my days working to fund someone else's dreams and only spend 15 minutes on funding my own. Seems pretty backwards to me. I'm living paycheck to paycheck because shit is so expensive while others are traveling the world without a care in the world. They make it look so easy and each day I remind myself, I'll be there soon. I never question much, but when I do, I seek for God's guidance. I tear up when he reveals things to me, but even then I still feel like something is missing. Great things come to those who wait and I guess I have a lot of waiting to do.
Overall, I'm ready to make some changes in my life. So far so good. I got rid of toxic people, I removed myself from unhealthy relationships and I'm learning to stay in the now. I'm curious to see how you spend your most valuable currency... time. Let me know in the comments below. If you care to share any of your most sacred memories, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so I can post them here. Be blessed Journee Bees.