The Choices We Make
Sometimes I wish I could stare at myself in the mirror and really enjoy the woman I am. Don’t get me wrong, I know my worth and know who I am, but sometimes I am hard on myself. I see all my flaws and often my flaws catch me slipping. Society has taught me that my physical appearance matters and it forces me to create rules that I must follow in order to feel beautiful. Negating the fact my mental health is being ignored and emotionally I am drained. Spiritually I am conscious and fully capable in facing my demons but for some reason I find myself standing in front of my mirror with so many questions and doubts.
For a while I questioned myself. Doubted myself even. Now before anyone passes judgment on me because of my previous posts.. understand that because I’m at peace with my circumstances, doesn’t mean I’m always at peace with my choices. Lately I’ve been rushing to get my business in order, to create content for my social media and to keep my Journee bees interested in my truth. It can be overwhelming and even discouraging at times because I’m definitely taking a chance on myself.
As children we are taught to be careful. Our parents instill morals and ethics within us so that when we become adults, we won't make the same mistakes they made. I believe our parents just don't want to feel embarrassed by us if we mess up. Mistakes, the one word we often hear to describe past failures, but were those failures really mistakes? Or were they only a part of an experience to teach a lesson? I'll leave that up to your own interpretation.
I have a few mistakes of my own, but I've learned to embrace them. I remember being a child asking myself, "Girl where do you want to be in life when you grow up?" and I always had a response. I knew I wanted to be rich and I knew I wanted to feel peace. I don't believe I was a difficult kid, but I knew I was different, chosen to be exact. I knew I didn’t want to do anything that was going to make me look crazy, but I just simply wanted to live a free life. Being shelter and the only child never sat well with me, but you all know my story so I won’t go back into it, but I say this to say, as a child I was guarded and now as an adult I am protective.
Daily, I am questioning if I made the right choices. Choices in my business, my brand, my dreams, hell even myself as a wife. I question myself because I have deadlines and when things are not matching to my deadline, I feel like I wasted time. And before you begin saying anything about patience, I HAVE IT. What they don’t tell you is that everyday is a fight when you have everything in one basket and on the table. They just say, “Don’t give up”, but what does that really mean? When I think of giving up, I think of when you are honestly leaving things where they are and no longer putting in the fight. And let’s be honest, we’ve all been in a situation that required us to stop putting so much energy into it. But does that mean we gave up, or does it mean we chose US? Once again, I’ll leave that up to your own interpretation.
Today’s post is all about the choices we make. Regardless of the reason (good or bad), we have choices to make. The Bible speaks on God giving us free will. Our parents speak on teaching us right from wrong, but no matter what we face, we must always make a choice. I have witnessed many occasions where I was faced with something life changing, none that I ever plan to speak on, but it altered my view of life. It affected my mindset so much and when I think about the choices I made versus the ones I could have made, I have to take it. I can’t dwell, but only embrace. I say this to say, whatever choices you make or have made, embrace them. Count all options and choose the best one for you.
I wish you well Journee Bees.. More to come.