How Can I Accept What I Can Barely Acknowledge?
Welcome to week two. The week of acceptance. I'm sure last week was rough and I'm even more sure you wanted to throw in the towel, but congrats love... you made it. I'm sure your emotions were on the rise because I know mine were. Yes, I am on my Journee to heal as well (remember we are healing together). It happens and as we discussed last week, to acknowledge something requires addressing the elephant in the room. I'm curious to know if during your process of acknowledgment, did you feel a slight change in your spirit? How did you decide to acknowledge your trauma? For me, I decided to speak out loud and reassure myself that I could get through my pain. I sat in a quiet space and just began talking out loud. It was just me and my dog. The television was off, I made sure my phone was away from me and as I began speaking, I could feel weights lifting off me.
For those of you who are still struggling to acknowledge your traumas and aren't sure as to how to overcome them, please refer back to step one and read as I shared my way of releasing. Find a way (where you are most comfortable) to release and then move forward in the process. This may include writing, artistry, speaking to someone you trust etc. Remember this process will not happen overnight especially when you are really serious about healing. Healing is not a race and you don't get a medal for finishing first. Take your time and put your all in it. All in all, I pray whatever you decide helps you get over your first hurdle because sure enough you will be ready for your second.. to accept all you've acknowledged. Always remember we are in this together. So, don't give up. Take a deep breath and start over love.
Listen, to accept anything means you are able to recognize and take hold of something, to receive willingly of your participation, to amend, but never excuse. Yes, you identify yourself as a victim, but it doesn't mean you have to remain one. Let's just throw that word into the garbage. You will no longer refer to yourself as a victim. Refer to yourself as a survivor and not a victim. You may believe it was your fault because no one listened to you, but trust me it was not your fault. You're probably thinking "I can't do this", but I promise you can. Here's how I know. I know because I questioned myself when I was verbally abused by people who I needed to protect me. I blamed myself and tried everything I could to be different. No one listened to me when I expressed my fear of going to school. No one understood why I hid my feelings and chose to lie about everything. But I overcame everything. I am a survivor. I recognize it now and soon you will also.
Acceptance is all about exploration. You begin with exploring your feelings like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. It will become a shock to you and each emotion will hit you harder than the one before. It's to be expected; however you must remain in control. Use your words to ease your frustrations and not to attack your abuser. You've already addressed them. This is no longer about them, but about you. Later within our sessions, we will discuss coping mechanisms to keep you focused while you're experiencing all these painful emotions. But in the meantime, feel what you feel. Exploring comes with being in tune with yourself. Who knows you better than you? You know your triggers, but now it's time to learn how to keep a calm composure. Soon nothing they say or do can ever hurt you again. Remember when I said you had to speak out about the specifics of your trauma? Well this means you have to be prepared for each fiber of pain that comes along with it. We will no longer suppress our emotions with things or people to help us through our pain, we will be our own aids. Declare right now that you will start coming to your own rescue before seeking anyone else's!
Say this with me,
I, ( insert your name), will no longer expect saving from anyone else. I will rescue myself. I will believe in myself and remain strong in all I endure from my past, in my present and for my future."
Repeat this out loud until you believe it. Say it with conviction each time and feel that shift in your spirit.
By doing this you are demonstrating your strength and trust me healing is all about strength.
After exploring your feelings, give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Don't worry about looking weak because you shed tears. You're allowed to do this. Give yourself permission to express yourself. Be mindful of your emotions and go through them. Of course your first reaction will be to hide and pretend nothing is wrong. And I am telling you this now.. DON'T DO IT! I'm speaking to myself when I say this because Journee Bees you know I am not a fan of crying. I'm supposed to be strong and not feel anything and as mentioned before, this has always been my thought process since I was a child. But as I mentioned last week, I declared to change my life and I am sticking with it.
Continue this course of acceptance because next week we will have to be grown up about what's to come next.. F O R G I V E N E S S.
Remember you are not alone. I am always with you and WE WILL heal together.