If I tell my side, I'm sure some might want me to disappear. But if I remain silent, I'm only allowing the lies to continue. I know God says let Him fight my battles, but sometimes God takes just a little too long. There's no secret we don't always get along and to be honest, I am ok with that. Family has never been my strong suit no matter how much I felt I needed to have one. No matter how many days I questioned if my own family wanted me or the family I married into, I knew I mattered. Too many secrets. Too much favoritism. The gossip is unbearable and the drama is completely unnecessary. When would love been shown? How many nights of tears will it take before our mother's realize we aren't made of steel and have feelings too? When will fathers help their sons grieve without bashing them for it? When will our parents apologize for not getting it right the first time? Or has their pride gotten in the way? So many questions I have and because I know I won't receive an answer, let's talk about this feud we have.
I believe the reason we grow up how we do is based upon the experiences we've lived in our childhood. Of course this is an easy blame, but it's the truth. We have all suffered from something our parents did and did not do and we have achieved much because of their same decisions. Overall, it just sucks. but someone has to over come it. The comparison between the accomplishments I made and my cousin is just ridiculous. Growing up, I didn't have siblings to share the blame with. It was just me despite whether I deserved the blame or not, I was all I had. I listened as my parents would go back and forth about "adult issues" but even as a child I knew I needed to be different. My cousins and I were close. Always together and always enjoying each others company. The laughs we shared and the trouble we caused were way too much fun at the time, but for me that was ending before it could even reach its peak. Yes, I moved away and eventually we grew up. I mean isn't that what we're suppose to do? I listened as my husband expressed to me about his childhood. He describes it to be harsh, but hides his emotions with laughter. There's no secret that things weren't the best and even still I believe his parents don't deserve him. They never deserved any of their children and despite what they may say, their kids are hurting and they don't even acknowledge it. A sweet boy with so much anger and yet no one ever took the time to ask why? Birthdays came and went without even a sincere celebration because going out was more important. You see my point?
I got married while others had children. I went to college while others perfected their crafts. But one thing for certain is that we never gave up on each other, so I hoped. This is just on my father's side. Now on my mother's side, I had been judged. I couldn't do anything right other than go to school and even then that was still side eyed. Little remarks on my relationship was meant to put a restraint on my determination to graduate high school and college. It was important for me to be independent so that I can give myself credit for making it as far as I had, but it seemed like other people wanted credit instead. Typical behavior from typical judgmental folk.
I'm almost absolutely convinced family is intended to spread love and nurture, but has been tarnished to accept hurt, devastation and secrets. Come on now all of us have secrets and all of us have judged others for not being perfect. What happens when we don't have a mother to love us and show us our worth as little girls? To tell us we matter and always remember that we have the power. I'll tell you what happens... WE LOOK FOR IT IN MEN. What happens when our father is too tired to invest in their son's future? Showing him the true meaning of hard work and following your dreams. They result in losing their drive because they want money the fast way. Everyone has this idea on what a good parent is and although I'm no parent, let's just say I have an idea as to what morals and values should be instilled in a child. Well for one, God. God should always be the number one focus in our lives because without him, we are not getting too far in this world. Respect. This is specifically within ourselves. Yes, respect is earned but why shouldn't we respect ourselves first? Lastly, self love. Love you more than everything. You can't love anyone without loving you first and the reason we lack this is because well, our parents simply never took the time to instill love in us. So again I ask, when will our parents apologize for not getting it right the first time? Or has their pride gotten in the way? So many questions I have and because I know I won't receive an answer, this family will forever feud.